


Your Wounds Are Where The Light Shines Through

by HippieGeekGirl



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Canon Temporary Character Death, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sleepy Cuddles, someone please get these two some therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9130315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HippieGeekGirl/pseuds/HippieGeekGirl
Summary: Vax struggles to come to terms with his feelings following Percy's death. Eventually they talk things out.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Settiai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/gifts).



> This is basically canon-compliant except that the Vax/Keyleth and Percy/Vex relationships have remained platonic. (They're still really close, though.)

The world seemed to slow down when Percy died.

If asked in the years to come, Vax would only be able to remember brief impressions of the event. The crack of the shot. His sister's screams as the last bullet sank into Percy's chest. His own grim satisfaction as they'd made sure Anna Ripley would never hurt another living soul.

No one slept well that night as they all gathered around Percy's cold, still form in the sheltering darkness of Scanlan's mansion.

It wasn't right. _Of course_ it wasn't right. Percy had never liked to be idle, always building or tinkering whenever they weren't trying to fight their way out of a corner. Almost as if he was scared of what might happen if he didn't keep his mind and hands busy.

These thoughts, among others, weighed heavily on Vax as they finally returned to Whitestone. A guard was quickly dispatched to find Cassandra, and Vax wondered how exactly they were going to face her. She and Percy had never been particularly close as children, judging by what he'd told them, but he was the only family she had left and now his fate was hanging in the balance.

It was a feeling he was all too familiar with.

In contrast to his death, Vax would remember Percy's return with perfect clarity. Pike had somehow known what had happened, which was heartbreaking enough, but her voice was clear as she began the resurrection spell. After a long moment, she looked up, frustrated tears on her face.

“I can't… something's blocking me.”

After a bit of hushed discussion, Keyleth took charge. The damned shadow demon was still lingering and she fought through the darkness to dispel it, calling out for Percy in a ragged voice.

And then, before his spirit could drift away from them for good… they'd managed to hold on. Words of love, of friendship and of faith, along with Scanlan's song and Grog’s steady protectiveness, wove the line they cast to bring him back. Vax was unsure what else he could bring to the ritual until he spread out his wings and leaned closer, his hand clasped around the silver raven skull pinned over his chest.

“There is so much I still need to say to you… and I'm going to say it anyway, so you'd better be here to listen.”

Keyleth looked up at him with a watery smile before returning her attention to Percy's face. “We were supposed to go back to the Feywild when all this was over. We were going to see how the bog is doing, and bring Nala some more books. And I need you there with me, okay?”

For a long horrible moment, it was unclear whether the spell had worked. And then there was a ragged gasp of breath. 

And for the time being, the world was whole again.  
_____

Vax had asked Pike about it a few days later, as he combed the mess out of her hair after the fight with Vorugal.

“That was a close call, huh?”

“Yeah.” She flinched as he gently unsnarled a particularly stubborn tangle. “But we all made it.”

“Can I ask you something, though?”

“Of course.”

He paused. “You’ve died before… I don't want to pry, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I've been wondering what it was like for you after you came back.”

She considered this as Vax gathered her hair into a bun. “I think I was mostly confused, at first. I'd been given this great new chance and I had to figure out where to go with it.”

“Is that why you went to sea?”

“Partly. Mainly I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't let you guys down. But I think on some level I was trying to prove to myself that I was worthy of her.”

“Well she just sucker-punched a dragon for you, I'd say that's a pretty big endorsement.” Vax finished with her hair and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks, Pickle.”

“Any time.”  
_____

Percy was awake late into the evening. It had been harder for him to sleep since the night he'd returned, despite his sheer exhaustion, and he was keeping himself occupied making notes in his sketchbook as he heard a knock at his door.

“Percival, can I talk to you?”

Still Percival, then. You could tell a lot about Vax's mood based on what names he used, and they still hadn't regained their old familiarity with each other. At least it wasn't De Rolo, though lately even his surname hadn't been spoken with as much anger as it once had. “Yes, I suppose.”

The door opened and Vax stood before him, plain-clothed and quiet. He shut it behind him as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. “How are you doing?”

Percy set his notes aside to come sit beside him. “As well as can be expected. Vorugal took a bit of a toll, but it could be much worse.”

Vax looked him in the eye. “Now how are you _really_?”

Percy sighed, shoulders sagging as he leaned against Vax. “Tired. And I know what's waiting for me if i go to sleep. I keep expecting nightmares, but there's just… emptiness, and I'm honestly not sure which is worse.”

Vax shook his head. “We found your letter, you know.”

“I'd suspected as much.” He'd immediately noticed it had been disturbed, despite the care Vex had taken, but it didn't seem important to confront everyone about it. He _had_ died, after all.

“We saw you fall. And I watched you forgive the woman who left you more afraid than I've ever seen you… knowing I wasn't able to grant you that same forgiveness.”

“It’s-"

“I wanted to. I was _trying_ … She didn't deserve it.”

“I know. I didn't do it for her.”

“Yeah.” Without saying anything further, Vax wrapped his arms around Percy and laid down alongside him. “Is this okay?”

Percy nodded, but his anxiety was still written all over him. Feeling the press of something solid against his back, he turned to see the raven skull clasp now attached to the collar of Vax's tunic. “I didn't realize you'd kept this.”

“What?” Vax's brow furrowed. “Of course I did, why wouldn't I?”

“I don't know… I saw you'd given Keyleth your cloak and I sort of assumed she had it.”

“Oh... No, no.” He pulled Percy closer until they were lying face to face, tucked close to each other. “I know how much it means to you when you make things for people. I'd never give that away.”

“I'm very glad to hear that.” Percy sighed again, and Vax felt the warmth of his breath on his neck. “Though if anyone else were to have it, it seems fitting that it would be her.”

“Not gonna happen, as long as I have something to say about it.” A quiet moment passed between them. “Besides, the armor still smells terrible.”

The remaining tension between them subsided as they both laughed. Vax reached out to extinguish the lamp before returning to Percy's side. It was probably presumptuous of him to assume he'd be welcome, but Percy didn't protest. In fact he seemed rather relieved.

“I remember what we talked about before.” The darkness made it easier yet somehow more vital to say the things he still had to say. “I'm still gonna keep an eye on you. I'm still holding you accountable when you fuck up. But you have done _so much good_ in this world, Percival, and I won't let that be forgotten.”

“Even by me?”

“ _Especially_ by you.”

The long moment of silence that followed was full of meaning. “Good.”

“Get some sleep. You need it.”

Percy's breath evened out as he finally began to find his way to a mercifully peaceful rest. Vax's arms tightened around him and there was a feather-light, almost imperceptible press of lips to the back of his head.

“Love you, Freddie.”

“You too.”


End file.
